September 2010
Perma-
Of all behaviors common to the college experience, the Perma-Snub is the most fascinating to me.
The Perma-Snub most often occurs when you have a class with someone, communicate with them a little during class, even work in some group projects together, and then the following semester you each ignore each other as if you have never met. But it isn’t just a “I don’t want to talk...
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August 2010
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I am disproportionately attracted to girls with slight limps.
If you are a girl with uneven legs I’ll be all over that.
Overheard Conversations #2
Guy 1: Did you see all that fucking stuff he fucking had on that fucking powerpoint? And nobody could read that shit. It's the teachers fucking job.
Guy 2: (mumbles inaudibly)
Guy 1: I hate his ass. I fucking hate his ass.
At my school there is a secret trail that cuts through a forest from one of the bad parking lots to campus. Forged years ago by intrepid students, it is extremely dangerous; broken tree limbs and sharp rocks litter the floor, and the tall canopy blocks all light. Should you twist your ankle or fall and hit your head another person may not find you for hours, depending on the time.
Law of the...
“Let me introduce your TA. His english is very good.”
– Professor Bagley
This is what happens when you sit in on your friend’s engineering class.
This Post Is About Drupe Hardness
So I eat a lot of almonds. I mean like a crazy amount of almonds. I usually buy them by the pound from a guy in California, but the last time I bought some I got them at Target.
These almonds were so hard. It was like eating other teeth, so I’ve been complaining on twitter for many moons about how hard these almonds are.
The other day I bought some other brand of almonds and now these are...
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My sleeping schedule has become increasingly erratic. I just slept for 3.5 hrs, now I’m going to stay awake ‘til ~2am and go back to sleep ‘til 7am.
I have nothing else to say, so here is a picture of me in a duck-tape spartan helmet.
TFF
I just searched my music library to see if I had a certain song.
I found that I have 20 versions of the song.
I did The Forgotten Face
Alexei von Khanlensky
Andrew just sent me this drawing that he did on his phone.
I love it.
There’s something very Alexei von Jawlensky about it, I’m all jealous.
Strawberry Jam.
The first time I ever ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with anything other than grape jelly, was my senior year of high school, during speech class.
It changed everything.
Karate - Tow Truck
Up on the dashboard there was...
Jacob: My theory of how hipsters will go extinct
Jacob: They will all ironically move to New Jersey, where a plague-like pandemic will spread and wipe them out
Jacob: or we'll just nuke them
James: lol
Jacob: or a combination of the two
“It was a Friday afternoon and there was no one in the laboratory who I could...”
– B. F. Skinner on his accidental discovery of extinction.
First World Problems
I’m trying to actually do well in school this semester (and beyond) because, oh jeeze! I need to get into grad school. So I’m actually committing myself to doing class readings, which I have never done. This is hard to explain, but I have two rooms and a loft area because I’m an only child. One of these rooms is my bedroom, the other is where my computer and everything else is,...
Overheard Conversations
Guy sits next to girl: I like your glasses.
Girl: They're fake, I don't really need them. Don't tell anybody.
Chromeo - Momma’s Boy
She says I remind...
There’s a psych major that sits in front of me in some of my classes. She looks about 14 years old, but I’m not sure. I pass the time counting the premature gray hairs on her head.
I wonder if the person behind me spends his time counting mine.
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"This is not a joke or an exaggeration"
The problem with being “the funny guy” in your group of friends (am I funny? Shit, I better be, I’ve built my whole thing on that) is that it becomes harder and harder to be taken seriously.
If everything you say is a joke or snide remark, then at what point does your entire life become one big joke? When will you look back on your life and realize that you’ve said so few...
Look at what I have been reduced to
A lot of people I know get their insomnia on when school starts up again, but I’m exactly the opposite. During the summer I cannot sleep a wink, because I have nothing to do the next day, so what’s the purpose of sleeping?
Now that school has started I’m constantly tired, not to mention that I wake up at 6am to find parking for my class that starts at 12pm (THIS IS NOT A JOKE OR...
Every male has a certain face that he makes when he is texting his girlfriend (and a certain voice that he uses when he talks to her on the telephone); I make my texting-girlfriend-face when I’m writing a blog post on my phone.
Just got home
My intro to linguistics class is so easy (because I’ve taken it before) that I could do it while sleeping. But I can’t skip because every absence deducts 3% from my final grade. The professor wants to be called by her first name, Claire, because this class is “very informal”.
I want to send her emails like “Hey, Claire, what’s up lol? Just wanted to see how u...
How to be a creepo: Lesson 2
Stalk a girl that you don’t know, but see around regularly, on facebook. Then walk up to her one day and act as if you know her really well. Be sure to say her name when you say hello.
A look of confusion will appear on her face as she struggles to recall you, as soon as it does, say “Oh, I’m sorry. We met at—” and then say an event that she attended according to...
Things I Hate
Right handed people who wear their watches on their right wrist.
How can I tell if you’re left handed or not?
How To Be a Creepo: Lesson 1
Since it’s the first day of school for many, here’s a little trick you can do that’s pretty cool.
When you’re walking down a hallway, or sitting at a table at lunch, stare at somebody right in the eyes. The person will feel you staring and make eye contact. Here’s where it gets tricky: DO NOT break eye contact.
In a normal instance you would quickly shift your...
My shoulder is still killing me. I secretly wish it was dislocated so I could pop it back in like a badass.
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I'm fine I guess.
Oh man, I was running around like an idiot today in the parking lot of a mall and I totally wiped out. I fell right on my right shoulder and now it’s killing me.
I felt fine right after but then a few minutes passed and my vision went all fuzzy. It was like watching a TV with bad reception, and I could hardly hear anything either. I felt like I was going to pass out but I didn’t.
I...
James: How are you watching this? They play it so late at night?
Me: I downloaded some episodes because I'm too lazy to go where the TV is.
Chromeo - Bonafide Lovin’ (Tough Guys)
let...
WatchLadies and Gentlemen! If I can have your attention please, the Jacob Martinez Company has performed a dramatic reading of “bastards” by pedrosanchez.
The original text can be found here.
Enjoy.
Relativity
I’ve forgotten how inexpensive shoes are because I’m so used to buying boots.
$50-60 bucks a pair for these? At that price I’d buy every color.
In regards to
The most dystopian future I can imagine is one where we are stagnant as a species.
Perhaps one in which we have solved the energy crisis, and food problems and as a result are unmotivated to do anything else.
Unlimited energy, unlimited food, and fat and happy as we are we decide to sit around and be noble all day. Sit and remark to each other about how close we came to destroying the planet—but...
I'm so tired.
We always assume that if aliens exist they are lightyears ahead of us (see what I did there?) in terms of technology and that if they ever came across us we would be nothing but cockroaches in terms of intelligence and interest to them, but let me lay out some numbers here.
The age of the universe** is 13.7 billion years old.
The age of planet Earth, is 4.54 billion years old. That’s 33%...
Nellie McKay - Wonderful Guy
I’m as trite...
WatchMarie Medina aka Pandora is one of my favorite dancers. She’s mastered popping and tutting and her dance for her LXD episode is one of the best routines I’ve ever seen her do. I’ve seen every video of Medina dancing on the internet, but I’ve never seen her move like she moved in this clip.
If you like watching people dance, the LXD on Hulu might be worth checking out,...
When I came back from Canada I had to go to a community college for a semester. While I was there the campus grew and grew, I saw buildings rise before my eyes. It’s beautiful, that campus, a perfect mix of concrete, steel, and nature.
The campus was nearly empty, just a few workers stumbling around, and completely silent. Everywhere was the wind blowing through the trees and the grass...
8 year old kindness
Nick and I hung out today and he made us stop at a claw machine because he swears he’s the best at them even though I’ve never seen him win anything.
A little girl, about 8 years old was walking around trying to figure out what to play, eventually she just bought something from a 25 cent toy machine.
Nick tried twice on the claw machine without getting anything so we turned to leave...
Always First
I want to kiss you I want to kiss you a thousand times and more take you to the theater, buy you all the candy and everything else you desire but the candy first Candy always first. I want to tousle your hair get lost in those gentle curls and then more look up at you and laugh laugh and love but laughter first Laughter always first. I want to hear you I want to hear all of your words and more...