June 2010
P.M. Dawn - Set Adrift On Memory Bliss
I can...
Michael Jackson - Remember the Time
Do you...
7th grade
I peeked over the shoulder of the girl in front of me in English during the freewrite period.
I saw her write that her favorite animal was the cow.
I made fun of her for it, but she defended cows valiantly.
I regret it every day and every time I see a cow.
Red No. 40
I once walked behind a guy and a girl who were obviously in the very beginning stages of some kind of courting ritual (I’m not sure how those things work).
He listed for her everything he was allergic to and what it did to him.
That day I decided that I wouldn’t ever tell a girl what I was allergic to on a date. I’m not allergic to anything anyhow.
5th grade
I ran faster than the fastest kid in school, and everybody was there to see it.
3rd grade pt. II
A girl that used to pick on me came up with some other people at recess to make fun of me (I assume). It was autumn and a wind picked up. The leaves at our feet flew into the air and swirled all around me like I was inside a tornado.
They thought I was magic and ran away.
The tree
When I was five or six, a girl kissed me on the cheek.
The next school year at recess we used to sit underneath this big old tree together. I don’t remember ever talking or doing anything, just sitting.
One day I waited for her at the tree but she never came.
Again the next day she never came, and again, and again, and again.
She never came back. I sat at the tree for weeks, until one...
Punch Kick Shove
I can’t remember what grade this was. But for a while during recess I would go way to the back of the playground where the teachers couldn’t see, with some guy and let him punch and kick and shove me. He wanted to do it so I let him.
One day I came back to class with skinned knees from falling in the gravel.
Some people asked me what happened, but I just told them I fell.
1st grade
I was wearing that big jacket again out at recess. A strong wind came and literally lifted me off of the ground. I had to hold on to the monkey bars to keep from flying away.
2nd grade
My class was in a portable. It was winter time, and my mother had bought me a gigantic jacket. Like a parka. It consumed me. I couldn’t move my arms in it.
The class filed out of the portable, down the 8 or 9 wooden steps, I was the last one so I had to turn off the lights and close the door.
When I turned around I fell down those stairs, but my jacket protected me, I didn’t feel a...
Date unknown.
I was very young. I lost my footing at the top of the staircase, but instead of falling I just floated and plopped down on my butt at the last step.
I never knew how it happened or why. No one believed me when I told them, and there was nothing I could do to make them, there still isn’t.
1994
I stood looking out the front window. Ace of Base’s “The Sign” was playing on MTV. We were waiting for my aunt and uncle to come from out of town.
I asked my mother what the sign was that they were singing about.
She said she didn’t know, but I was sure she did.
1995
My mother and I were in a Taco Bell the first time I heard the Sophie B. Hawkins song “As I Lay Me Down”.
Both of us could have sworn that the background singers were singing “Who loves tacos?”.
That night I lay on my mom and dad’s bed and told my father about that song.
I still don’t know what the real lyrics are.
3rd grade
Once while at Blockbuster with my father I ran into the girl I liked at the time. I could not have been more embarrassed to be seen in public.
She said hi to me and I just stared up into the long mirrored wall, at the reflection of both of us.
It's still on my shelf
Through elementary school I basically liked a different girl every year. I never told any of them, of course, but I planned out all the conversations in case I ever did.
Every year I wrote the girl’s name on a slip of paper and put it into a coin bank decorated with teddy bears and rainbows. The bank had a small pad lock (like on suitcases), and at night I’d take the key out of its...
5th grade this time
The teacher asked me and another student to go to every classroom in the entire school and check if they had the standard issue globe. If they had more than one or none at all we were to denote it.
Through doors we walked, empty or not, it must have taken hours. At the end we opened the door to the principles office while she was in a meeting. She yelled at us, but I was not afraid.
Her last name was Garner, I don't remember her...
It was 4th grade, I think. We were in computer class and we had to fill out some form with our favorite things.
A girl asked the teacher how to spell Boyz II Men for the “favorite band” spot.
*_O
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OK, So fine.
Maybe I don’t love you, but I want you to know that you mean a lot more to me than you know, and I want you to know, I want you to know, I want you to know. I know I’m not really the guy to be doing any of this. I’m always just a guy that sits and waits and is too afraid to actually ever say how he feels. So I wrap the words in a joke, and a wink, and a gag, and an “LOL...
Cardigans - Lovefool
Mama tells me I...
It's like trying to reach the surface before you...
There is a very brief moment between consciousness and unconsciousness that occurs almost every morning for me. In this moment the dreams fade and turn from something impossible to something possible. During this moment, I see myself on the computer, reading the responses to the things I posted on Tumblr and Twitter the night before. Pages of comments and replies varying from praise to loathing....
The Guess Who - Undun
She’s come undun She...
I can't think of a title for this post.
I’m going to let you glimpse my best feature. I just happen to have a perfect left hand. I mean it’s gorgeous. Sometimes, when the light is just right, I get lost in my hand for days. This is the story about how James ruined it (or made it better).
Many years ago, when I was very young, James and I along with some other people were in this Chemistry Pals thing, where we went to...
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The Un- in the Requited
There’s something to be said about being attracted to someone who will never be attracted to you. It’s oddly stress relieving, you’d think it would be the opposite, but that has never been my experience.
There are a couple of reasons:
Being attracted to someone who you perceive to be light-years out of your league lessens the pang of rejection (should you ever muster the...
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“Jacob, you look good, Crystal, you look great, and I look awesome!”
– Andrew Khan.
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The Power in The Bar
I will never reveal the fresh breath secret.
OK, fine, here it is.
The secret of my power are these. That’s right, chalky, flavorless, gooey, disgusting, PowerBars.
Specifically, the PowerBar Performance Energy chocolate flavor. I haven’t tried it with the other flavors, but I don’t think it should matter.
I like eating them because they make me feel like I’m from the...
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The Lost in The Found
So those packages that I talked about, I went to the post office and they weren’t there either. So I told my dad and he made some phone calls to try to sort it out, but still no sign of the packages. Then tonight when I came home there were two packages on the table, “Alright,” I thought, “my father came through”. I opened the packages but they weren’t the ones...
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The Coke & The Machine
There are always tours of prospective students going around my school. The following is the most major stop on the tour: Tour Guide: The first thing you want to notice is our coke machine right here. It’s not actually a coke machine it’s a Pepsi machine. So if you like Coke you’ll have to bring it from home.
one of those things
pedrosanchez:
I think it’s insulting to the fruit to add or dip it in sugar
My entire life I’ve been dipping strawberries into sugar, but in the past few months I’ve been eating them “raw” and I love them more than when I was drowning them in sugar.
I often find that the things that I do to try to improve my life, actually ruin it, and it’s the things that I do...
'do it.
The one thing I want more than anything, is for this hairstyle to come back in to fashion for women.
Imagine how radical you’d look walking down the street like that. All it is is one (or more) thick braids, flipped up over the head and pinned there.
You can see it on these pictures I took of my favorite unknown roman lady.
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With great power comes great responsibility
There is a story in Freakonomics (1 or 2 I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to look), about a 18th century doctor who invented a set of tongs to be used to rotate and take out babies during delivery, as opposed to just sticking your unwashed hands into the mother. This invention saved the lives of many of his patients who would have otherwise died due to poor sanitation practices. The...
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Mental Anguish
I try not to say bad things about the US Postal Service because I come from a long line of USPS workers, but fuck! I don’t even think they’re trying anymore. I just got two emails from orders that I placed on Amazon saying that they couldn’t leave the items at my location and that I’ll have to drive out of my way tomorrow to a post office that isn’t the closest to my...
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A challenger appears . . .
James has gone and done something reckless, and it has the potential to be worse than burning down my house.
Without the council’s permission, he has contacted Victoria to arrange a meeting between her, Andrew, and myself.
So a meeting between friends that haven’t seen each other in a very long time. How could that be bad? Victoria, Andrew, and I have something special, but we...
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IM conversations
Me: So there are 2 more wolves left, but then the vampire king of Mississippi comes on a horse
James: brb
Me: god damnit!
Anonymous asked: Cuban?
Anonymous asked: Are you half-asian/half-hispanic?
Anonymous asked: marry me, please
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I do take notice
Wuthering Heights chapter 8
“Nothing—only look at the almanack, on that wall,” he pointed to a framed sheet hanging near the window, and continued; “The crosses are for the evenings you have spent with the Lintons, the dots for those spent with me—Do you see, I’ve marked every day?”
“Yes—very foolish; as if I took notice!” replied Catherine in a peevish...
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With friends like these. . .
I had the strangest dream last night that all my friends did something stupid. Stupid even for them. Normally my dreams are so utterly absurd that it’s obvious that they are dreams, but this one was so real and detailed that even after I woke up I wasn’t sure. Here it is in excruciating detail. In this dream world I had my own house which my friend James often frequented. The house was...
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