July 2009
WatchGirl In A Coma “Static Mind” video
But There Was No
Last night before I went to bed I saw a can of Coca-Cola in the fridge. I rarely drink dark soda and when I do it’s usually Pepsi.
Today on the way home from work I got McDonalds and thought “Hey, I’ll drink that mysterious coke in my fridge. That’ll taste good.”
But when I got home there was no coke in the fridge.
Her
I met a 10 year old girl today who was so eloquent with her thoughts it blew me away.
I did not wish her to be my daughter as I commonly do when I see girls of that nature. I wished to be her child.
Dry
During prohibition, Anheuser-Busch bottled ginger ale. A few cans of it still exist in the museum in St. Louis. I am planning a Mission Impossible-esque heist, I want to see how it stacks up to Canada Dry.
Oak
A friend of mine got bit up by a dog pretty bad at work yesterday. He had to go to the hospital, but he’s alright, he chained himself up to an oak tree.
Wherever I'm going.
You know how when someone dies, everyones biggest regret is that they didn’t say they loved them before they left (e.g. just saying “K, see ya’ later honey” as she walks out the door); well from now on whenever I leave my house I’m going to tweet goodbye to all my followers just in case I die on my way to wherever I’m going.
Always
Droxine: And is there nothing that can disturb this cycle Mr. Spock?
Mr. Spock: Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing, Madam.
If It Rains August 8th, A Texas Car Dealer Will... →
Cover
Other Cashier (talking to me): I bought three goldfish the other day, and two of them already died.
Me: Duh! They're goldfish. They're born to die.
Man in line to his daughter: Cover your ears honey.
Daughter: Why?
ardenashley:
Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
When it rains, it pours Part II
Update: It’s World Car Nissan, specifically, that is offering the rain gamble. Not sure if the other dealerships in the World Car group are doing it. The entry period is July 15th to August 1st, which is cutting it a little close if you ask me.
When it rains it pours. . .
A car dealership in my town is literally betting on the weather. The deal is you buy a new car this month, then if it happens to rain on August 8th, 2009, the dealership will let you have the car for free along with the money you’ve already paid for it.
The ad says they’re giving away a million dollars, which I’m guessing they’re assuming will be enough to cover the cost...
Things to do before I die:
- Go to next Twilight movie premier and pass the time waiting in line reading Ulysses.
- Go to next Harry Potter premier and pass the time reading Twilight.
- Go to the Sherlock Holmes premier and pass the time reading my own whodunit manuscript featuring a main character that looks just like me but has all the characteristics of Holmes.
Gimmick Restaurant Idea
This has probably already been done.
A Sonic style drive-through restaurant where all the menus have their own twitter username. Then diners choose their meal and tweet what they want to their server e.g.: @TweetandEat4 three #4’s and two large cokes. You can either use your own cell phone to tweet, or use the built in pad in the menu to do it for the luddites.
And I'll laugh and laugh
I think I’m going to start doing this new thing where when someone asks me what my major is I’ll be like “Oh, psychology.” then I’ll wait a few seconds and go “PSYCH!!!”
Problem Solving:
There are too many people wanting to be comp sci majors and too many of them are way too good at it. Therefore, institutions should mandate that all comp sci majors must concurrently take courses in genetics, this way their minds get put to use analysing our genetic code as well as our computer code. In the end they’re both just sets of parameters.
Kings of Leon - Woo Hoo
noahkalina:
Beirut - My Night With The Prostitute...
“There’s only so much optical disc material on earth.”
– Paul Thurrott
Duh
Girl Co-Worker: I didn't go to prom with anybody.
Me: Duh!
Me: (5 seconds later) You didn't have to tell me that.
Me: (15 seconds later) Obviously.
pterodactyls:
Au Revoir Simone - Shadows
All of...
Bingd, Bang, Bing!ed
I just realized that should Microsoft’s search engine ever become popular enough to be used as a verb you wouldn’t be able to spell the past tense without it becoming Binged, as in a period of uncontrolled self-indulgement.
The Pretenders - Don’t Get Me Wrong
Music Tours I Wish Would Happen
1. Beastie Boys + Flava Flav = The Beastie Flavs Tour
2. Huey Lewis + Hootie & The Blowfish = Huey & The Blowfish Tour
1 tag
My Life In One Sentence Vol. 9
I didn’t want to pay for parking at my college so bad that I contemplated switching my license plates with an identical cars license plates in an effort to confuse the authorities.
“Of course the ratio of hotties to fat chicks is not what you’d like it to...”
– An old friend when asked about the college that he goes to. I’m sitting there now and can attest that he was incorrect.
“The joys of love made her human, and the agonies of love destroyed her.”
– Spock, Requiem For Methuselah
1 tag
In Cold Sweat
Me: I'm going to make an Ultimate Dance Mix and it's going to be nothing but Van Morrison. Then I'm going to play it at work and all the dogs are going to get up on two legs and start dancing with eachother.
Elliot: And then you'll wake up from that dream in cold sweat.
Van Morrison - Jackie Wilson Said (I’m In...
“A measured rectal temperature can give some indication of the time of death.”
– Algor mortis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
They don’t show that part on CSI.
Sublime - Steppin’ Razor (Peter Tosh cover)
“I don’t want to look creepy to you, but the question I’m about to...”
– AJ doing the best impersonation of me.